list of April 27, 2013

By bonnie, 27 April, 2013

– seeing Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing today (!!!)

– Springlust. every day. all I want to do is be outside.

– reading the Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind  manga series by Hiyao Miyazaki (currently on Book 2)

– doing a lot of random drawings, preparing for some new paintings. oh! and I finally finished the one at the top of the page.

– not into tv at all lately. there are many good shows I’d like to catch up with (Mad Men, Game of Thrones), but lately my attention span just hasn’t been there. I will say that this season of Scandal has been truly phenomenal television. And Revenge – so disappointingly – did an early and way unexpected shark jump a few eps into the second season. sad.

– started writing poetry again. unsure that it will turn into something I can do again or if it’s just therapy right now. we’ll see.

– missing Chicago, Don’s, Standees, the lake, the skyline and pieces of myself from those days.

– missing New York, my rooftops, Alphabet City, Cinema Classics, smoking (only sometimes, I know, ew), and pieces of myself I was in those days too.

— thing is, I don’t want to live in either of those places anymore and I’m actually feeling really “in place” for now in Boston/Somerville… but also scattered.

– it’s been a surreal last couple weeks. the day before the bombings, we were hiking in Rochester with good friends. in the middle of a beautiful forest, watching deer running around us and feeling on the edge of the best part of Spring. on the drive home, we found out. and then time got all wonky and even though the weather has been amazing  and I’ve really loved seeing people in my community come together and talk about important issues, supporting each other and being overall kind of amazing – I still don’t feel like time and life have completely settled again… yet.

– I started playing my ukulele tonight. I am going to learn or re-learn a song on that or my guitar everyday, to get back in the habit of playing again. tonight I mostly learned “dream a little dream of me”. it made me happy and sad at the same time.

– I’ve been going to the gym a lot. (which is good) but sometimes it feels like a pure tension flush. it feels urgent and angry. sometimes I feel myself at the gym fighting for my body to heal… sometimes (a lot of the times) I feel like I’m fighting against my diseased body. sometimes I feel like the contents of my brain won’t settle if I don’t get energy out, feelings about myself and other people. feelings about work and the nature of work and my projects and my art. sometimes memories I don’t want to remember. sometimes daydreams I want too much.

– it’s been too long since I wrote on here. it’s been too long since I’ve put serious time into my book. it’s been too long since I’ve been able to let people read my writing.

Spring is time for everything to change again. that is how it happens, right?

 

What do you think?

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